I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
