If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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