Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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