I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
