I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize