i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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