My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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