Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
