just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
