Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I met the friendliest cop last night
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
