i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
