brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
