JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
