yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
