Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize
