went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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