I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
