Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
