One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
