Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
