ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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