Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
