I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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