meet me or not, i'm out of control
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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