It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Randomize