Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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