my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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