sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
