he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
