my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
