They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
