You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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