Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
