I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
