oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Randomize
