By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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