I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
