I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
