that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
