I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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