He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It was like getting head from an anaconda
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
