I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
