I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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