My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
