so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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