I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize