can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
