Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The dick lei will go down in squad history
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
