Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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