you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize