my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
