ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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