i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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