Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
