i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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