Pappa wants mamma naked
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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