So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
