so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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