it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
