im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
