Kareoke will never be a sober sport
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
