the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
