Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I did not marry a roomba.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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