i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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