I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
