I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
