And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
