I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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