so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
