Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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