She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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