found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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