a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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