i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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