some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Everclear isn't food dammit
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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