I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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