Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
