You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
