im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
