It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
