i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
