false alarm. still invincible.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
