Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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