so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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