Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
