margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I can't put those talents on a resume
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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