Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
